after You// submitting our children

All your children shall be taught by the Lord,

And great shall be the peace of your children.

i've never been as scared as the day my son was born.  Eli entered the world without much of a sound after days of labor.  as he was delivered, i peered at him from behind the surgical covering and when we first made eye contact he gave me this look that spoke of exhaustion.  in that first little moment i swear i heard him in my heart saying, "was all that necessary?"

you see, we struggled to deliver at home, as i was highly determined to do.  i tried with all of my might to sit and squat and stretch and breath in every correct way in order to bring him here the way i wanted to.  by this point, i had invested so much reading and learning and pride that if i had to be transferred to the hospital i'd certainly be labeled a failure.  

never mind the fact that i would, 
with the help of God and some of the country's greatest physicians, 
bring forth a life.

though God granted me the ability to conceive, carry and deliver a child, He never did disclose exactly how that child would arrive, but of course i had it all planned out in my finite mind.  i wanted to have him the way i saw best.  i wanted to deliver him in a way that validated my power as a woman.  i wanted to bring him into the world the way i thought was most beneficial. 

i... i.... i.... i..... i..........

it was all about me and what i wanted.  even now with Eli here i fail to remember that:

God didn't give me a son. He entrusted me with one of His.

so i continue to struggle with pride. 
i get impatient because i want Eli to do what i say, when i say it, and do what works for my schedule, and what helps me get the day done.  i become bitter when i am late, which is nearly every day.  i become frustrated over ev-ery-thing-uh.  i have more tantrums than my three year old son, and it's all because i am forgetting who is in charge.

the passage in Isaiah tells us that all children shall be taught by the Lord.  
taught, for us, means instructed and guided to do or think or speak a certain way.  
the original Hebrew, however, gives a bit more meaning.  

the word for "taught" is limmuwd:  
it means instructed, accustomed, disciple, learned, taught, used...


that word is what got me...  
He doesn't just tell us that our children shall be instructed, but that they will be used.  they will be used to carry out His great plan, for they are a part of it.  they will be used to speak His truth to us, for we were created just as pure, blameless and beautiful as they are.  they will be used to keep us feeling the unshakable weight of holy conviction, because without it we are just empty souls and bitter hearts

our children are our blood, but it's blood that's been purified by the One who created us both

we cannot forget that they are God's precious souls brought to breath in their divine time 

they are our lessons, ministry, heritage and accountability, among a million other things

our only hope is to turn the burden of balancing such responsibilities over to God

we love our children with our whole hearts, there is no doubt.  but when we truly understand how broken and busted our hearts really are without the mending that only a Savior can complete, we cannot fully love those children until we submit to the Lord's perfect and powerful will for them.  

He demands our submission not because He thinks we can't do a good job raising our children, but because He knows we cannot do a good job without His Grace working in us.

are there ways you find yourself trying to do God's job?

do you find that you lose your patience much sooner than you should?

have you felt convicted by the perfection of your children?

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