crazy love

because of this face I know the extremes of human nature

i feel emotions that are not categorized or named

i know what it is to cry out in pain, love and prayer.. sometimes all at once

because of this face I meet days with a different kind of strength

one that can be tested to the limit, and taken advantage of

one that can never be taken away

because of this face I read too much into things

i assume the very worst

and I sometimes hold too tightly

because this face is so innocent, and his heart is so fragile

and how am I ever supposed to protect him from the evil in this world?

how do I ever explain to him why I don't want him going off alone with his friends.. not yet..

or justify the news when he's old enough to understand the headlines?

how am I ever supposed to wake up each day and let him go back into the hands of the Lord

and just play my role as the coach on the sidelines?

how do I expect to keep it together when I see this face that knows nothing but what I let him?

why couldn't God give me a heart of stone 
so that the "what if" moments couldn't creep in and break me?

it's because of this face

he needs a tender and emotional leader

and a strong and protective caregiver

he needs someone sensitive enough to sense danger

and crazy enough to believe it and sometimes take alternate routes through life

it's because of this face that I fall apart each day 

and scotch tape my heart back together with prayer each night

it's a logic only gifted by God and only understood by other mothers

it's a love that's exactly the same and totally different all at the same time

it's peace and chaos, 
spirit and flesh, 
all working together to uphold 
the will of a power that is beyond our comprehension

and it only works when we're weak

“My grace is sufficient for you, 
for my power is made perfect in weakness.
2Corinthians 12:9

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