truth is...

i am sick of being told i'm too skinny

i'm tired of being looked at through a critical lens
i'm done with explaining 
to strangers mostly
how my baby weight, and then some, just melted away...

truth is, i am not as healthy as i once was, no
but i am most certainly not sick
i'm not, and i repeat, NOT, anorexic (yeah.. i've been asked that...)

,truth is i gained over 50 pounds while Eli grew in me
it was gone in a month.
i didn't lift a weight or run a mile to do so
it "melted"


melted away
along with the curves i used to criticize
and the cup-size i wished was larger
as a matter of fact, it was a cup size that others told me i should surgically increase
it melted away and took some of my hair with it
as well as the elasticity of my skin
and my appetite for sushi

truth is i'm not who i was
but instead, i'm totally new now


i'm a mother
i wear a scar and 4 (yep, 4) little stretch marks to prove it

truth is i still wear a bikini because I really do love my herniated belly button
that was Eli's favorite place to kick me when he was hungry

truth is, i really do not care what anyone may think of my tattoo
the one i got when i was 18
the one that will be there when i'm 81


truth is, i tried to gain 15 pounds before our wedding
because i didn't want people telling me i was too skinny
i ate and ate, and nothing happened
the morning of, i looked in the mirror after the shower
and smiled at my frame.
i was satisfied..


truth is, i am loved by those who matter most
and yet, their opinions still do not satisfy me


because THE truth.. the only one that rules my heart..


is that God 
in all His majesty and power
breathed life into me over 30 years ago
and decided before i breathed on my own for the first time
that i would be a mother one day


truth is He knew all i would become, good and bad
and He still brought me into the world

truth is He loves me

despite my moments
my failures
and my shortcomings.
he gave me a dynamic frame
to bring forth life
and he changed it for His reasons,
not to meet your satisfaction.


truth is i am strong; physically
i can lift and push and climb and withstand pressure
that is disproportional to my size
i was crafted by God to take care of a child
i am powerful by the work of His hands


if He is pleased, then
what does it matter that no one else is?


truth is He loves me


and for that reason, if no other


i love myself, too.




TRUTH


**inspired by my favorite Psalm. 139. Verses 13-16.

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