To empathize with a King

The mere act of writing this statement brought chills to my skin a second time.

The first being when I actually felt the emotion mentioned above.  Empathy.
Defined as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another", it seems impossible that a normal person could empathize with a king.  I mean, how could anyone not of royalty or status of that kind even remotely begin to imagine what a king would feel or think or experience?  It seems absurd. 

Now may I go on to further explain that this king isnʼt just any king, but The King.  Our King.  Our Lord.  Our Father in Heaven, Our God.

Before you go back to facebooking, or running to hit the comments to tell me that Iʼve been drinking a little too much of something, I hope you'll decide to continue reading and hear me out.  I promise you will gain something from this.  I believe that what Iʼm about to relay to you has been inspired by God Himself because, simply put, I just do not have the mental capacity to understand some of the feelings I felt during this experience.

To give you some background history of myself:
Iʼm a selfish person.  A defensive person.  Iʼm an emotional woman with some pain that has not been cleaned from my heart.  When I asked Jesus into my heart, to help me plant seeds and grow a new soft heart, I had not plowed the past from there first.  And so, my walk of faith has been rough.  It's been up and down, full of realizations and lessons "learned" a few too many times.  Even though, itʼs been miraculous time and time again.  There are little bits here and there that remind me Iʼm on the right track, and growing UP in my faith, closer to Him.  Some days Iʼm good at feeling selfless and giving, but Iʼm also very, very good at holding onto control over my own life.  Asking Jesus into my heart, the first few times, was with condition, even.  I literally pleaded and bargained with the Lord.  Oh, what He must think of me when I sit down to pray...  *giggle*

So when my heart softened and an epiphany rose from the mind of this most controlling and anxious girl, I knew I had been invited into the heart of the Lord for a brief moment, and with good reason.

I was watching Hoarders.  I do not know why, but Iʼm obsessed with this show.  Something about these people tugs at my heart.  Itʼs painful to watch, but for some reason I do.  And on this specific day, I found myself so engrossed by what I was witnessing that I began to tear up, and pretty soon, full blown cry.  I sniffled and sobbed silently as this woman argued about a bag of old magazines her only daughter wanted to throw away.  The woman was holding onto trash, as many of the helpers said.  Her daughter simply stated, “mom, you are choosing these magazines over me.”  How could someone do that?  When faced with an ultimatum, either clean up this mess, part with these things, or lose me, how does a mother hesitate?  I thought of my own son and I could never put anything before him.  I may certainly fail, as many mothers do, but my heart knows itʼs priorities, and my blood will always prevail in any decision.  But these people.. they are all the same in that they simply cannot part with inanimate objects while their own flesh and blood plead with them to do so.  Something has got a hold of them so tightly that they are conflicted in their minds as to what to do.  You can literally see the confusion.  You almost feel sorry for them.

And thatʼs where it came into my spirit.  The very spirit that God infused me with when He created me in His image.  I was given the capacity to feel as He feels;  to love as He loves;  to know, deep down in my gut and with every bit of human brainpower I possess that this is just not right.  These people are truly missing the big boat here.

And aren't we all?

In this moment, I empathized with our King.  I thought, He must look at us from His throne, and watch us hoard our unbelief, our idols, our possessions.  He watches us as we choose death over life, and sell our families for fortune and popularity.  He watches us fight to hold onto earthly desires and societyʼs ways, and let eternity slip right on by.  And just like the families in this show, He loves us through it all.  I believe that I was given this epiphany and the self-less heart to feel it because it is the
struggle that has the strongest hold on me at the moment.

My biggest fear in having a full-blown faith is that Iʼm going to lose something.  Iʼm going to have to give up something Iʼve held onto for so long that it holds value to me, even though it may be very destructive.  As I mentioned above, I would plead and bargain while asking Jesus into my heart.  It was because I knew He would not be pleased by what Heʼd find, though Heʼd still come in to begin cleaning up with me.  He knew I would not give up things, but that Iʼd still try to actively believe in Him.  Time and time again I asked for salvation, even though you only need to ask once, and that was because I knew I wasnʼt fully faithful to Him.  It was a mess.  But that final time.. That last time I asked Him in and I realized that itʼs time to truly clean up and reorganize my heart and mind and spirit and soul, I know He was standing there with sleeves rolled up ready to work a modern day miracle.  This moment of selflessness and compassion and understanding from a controlling and desperate person like me was a very real miracle. 

Iʼm currently in a bible study with some of the greatest women I have ever and will ever know.  We are the Princess Posse and are week four into Beth Mooreʼs “Believing God” study.  (note this in case any of my posts in the future have a Texan flair to them *giggle*)  There are moments during a study where I just know that a certain line or word are just for me.  And when I was watching this episode of Hoarders I was on day two of week two and had completed a checklist, a test of faith.  The majority of my answers, 18 out of 20 to be exact, showed that I had a pretty consistent and active faith, which is great!  But the only two that didnʼt were in the area of future promises and salvation.  This outweighed the other “good” answers by a landslide.  It doesnʼt matter how much I do this or pray that.. if I do not even stand on the foundational promises He has made, that rock of truth, than I have no faith.  And that is where the fear comes in:  “If I put all of my faith in the Lord, will He deliver?”  For this reason, because of this doubt, we hold onto what we have come to know most because it comforts us.  It is familiar.  How would we act or live if we were truly saved and healed?  We cannot see the future, so we do not want to bank on this unseen.  Yet He promises us that if we lay it all at His throne, we will be reborn, and we will be new! 

I likened it to the first time a woman sees her kitchen table after the big clean, and she has the urge to bake.  She may not have baked in decades, but suddenly, she is stirred up and cannot wait to have hot apple pie.  We never lose what He put there, we just have it buried under so much junk and worthless ideology that we forget itʼs there.  But it IS there!  That promise is there.  The Godly image we were created in is there. 

Itʼs incredible to me all over again what a giving and loving God we serve.  He created us.  He protects us.  He puts His heart on the line for us, and He comes to us when we ask Him to.  He loves us unconditionally, so much so that He gives us the ultimate choice as to whether or not weʼll love Him back.  He gave us the opportunity to exist and glorify Him, and He prepaid the price for us to travel to the Promised Land when itʼs all over.  How can anything I hold onto, in my heart or hands or otherwise, be greater than this?  What in this world can possibly be greater? 

Most people think that to be a Christian is to have taken the easy way out.  I promise you, this could not be more farther from the truth.  Someday this will be a whole post of it's own, but for now I will say that being a Christian woman is the hardest thing I've ever done.  Not even labor could compare, because He was with me the whole time Eli was coming.  No, being a believer has been the most difficult.

Actively praying, having faith, believing, trusting, laying it at the cross, letting go and letting God, stressing over choosing to go one way or the other, repenting when I've done it wrong, praising when I've been forgiven, praising when I've been hurt, forgiving, forgetting and feeling His pain, this time.  These are emotions that we are not meant to experience alone, because we are not capable of doing that.  We need Him, and thank God for making it possible that He could indwell us as we go through our time as humans.  This moment was an epiphany that brought me to another level.  They are milestones that are like checkpoints.  Once I've grown up that bit, I can't retreat back to that lower level, and all of the previously mentioned acts of Christianity are that much more difficult because they bear that much more weight.  Believe me, all of you seekers, unbelievers, unsure ones.. if He wanted to make it easy, He'd control us and make us all believe.  Instead, we have the ability, the free will, to choose to go to Him.  No man-made anything in the world would give that much power to the people.  It takes a very creative, very loving and patient God to wait for each and every one of His children to return, and to interact with them a little bit here and there to gently guide them along.  For me, he knew to tap into the selfish and egotistical part of me and blow it to smitherenes for a moment in order to teach me this lesson. 

I pray that I continue to experience these empathetic moments where He is urging me to feel His pain and frustrations with our unbelief.  I have always been one to learn by action and example.. maybe He will teach me this way, too.  I pray I slowly but surely sort the junk out of my heart to make room for Him at my dining room table.  I continually pray I no longer choose this world over Him.  It is difficult, as it is for most of us, but it is a steady process.  Each time I get a little off track, something pops up that is completely out of the norm and it shakes me up pretty good.  This time, it was to have a heart thumping feeling that I just normally wouldn't have.  That's how I know it's Him.   That's why this burned inside of me so much that I had to share it.

God's best, and a big hug

"Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."   John 6:27

Popular posts from this blog

looking back

a white flag moment

In with the old