In with the old

There is a candlelit corner of my heart that has been awakened. Much like how a gust of wind sweeps through a campsite and fuels the fire, this part of me has been illuminated. For too long it has felt like a dusty curio cabinet in the back of my mind, a relic of who I used to be. But for a brief moment I rediscovered it, and it stirred me up something good...

It’s the creative part of me, the Picasso part of me. It’s where all of my heartbeats and spirit flutters become personified. It’s where my aura resembles fresh spun pink cotton candy at the opening weekend of the State Fair, and where I am invincible in every sense of the word. There were days where I was so consumed and in tune with this part of me that when I hopped out of bed and stretched out my arms, the devil himself was frightened. Today, I caught a glimpse of that long lost sweet spot in my mind. As I was snooping around in the intellectual parts of my brain, turning rigid white corners, and wiping smudges off of politically correct thoughts and facts, I briefly stumbled onto a plum shag rug and smelled jasmine everywhere. Though it felt foreign, it was like coming home. This was a place I had not seen for a while, but spent so much effort and love creating it that it was surely impossible to forget.

Finding my right brain all over again was like a dream. Just as refreshing as finding barefeet on fresh cut grass. I lost touch with the essence of myself and to connect with it again was everything including frightening, because, if this is the place where the real me lived and experienced life at one time, what do I do now that life has changed so much? I have lost virtually all of my free time as I became a mother and a partner, and I acquired great expenses at the same time. How to make use of my time and focus it on a way to support my growing dependents has become the conundrum that keeps my mind busy, and what kept me running down predictable and brightly lit pathways, further and further from the candlelight.

And so, I close a year with many new ideas for the new one to come. Some are motivated by need and necessity, and duty to my family. Others are fueled by pure passion...the same passion that would drive one to purchase a purple shag carpet after 1976. The trick, to get these two motivations to dance harmoniously to a tune of productivity and success. Moving forward, it’s not a matter of creating for myself, but for my family’s sake. It’s a matter of harnessing my God-given gifts and applying them wisely. It’s a process that is both highly emotional and analytical, a balance I’ve never been able to grasp, but maybe I can this time. My immediate lightbulb moments involved a functional kitchen, holiday decor, baby products and if I'm really feeling crazy, fashion. Ugh, just typing that word gave me the shivers...I wouldn't bank on much coming from that idea. But it is, indeed, an idea so we'll see where it takes us.

If we are truly created individually and filled with gifts that are to pour out into the world, then let this be my moment to shine!

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